CPAP

Everyone who has ever shared a bed or a wall with my husband knows he snores. Since that can sometimes be the symptom of somewhat serious issues, he had a screening in 2003 for sleep apnea. We never heard back, and when Tom asked, his doctor did not seem concerned. All good, right?

Fast forward to 2009. We were talking about the snoring and the screening, and decided it might be a good idea to take another look. "Hmmm," said the sleep study technician of the 2003 screening, "if we had seen this, we would have had you in here right away. You know Reggie White died of untreated sleep apnea. We'll want you in here for the full study."

So, last Sunday, Tom checked into Hotel Electrode. By 1am, his breathing had stopped long enough to kill a small mammal on a couple of occasions, so they slapped the CPAP mask on his face and wished him sweet dreams--REM dreams that is---something he had apparently been deprived of for a long while.

I was a little apprehensive about the whole thing--would it be like sleeping with a coma patient on a ventilator every night? You know the sound I mean--the whoosh thump of someone who is breathing by machine. Tom, on the other hand was elated. A surprising reaction for someone who would soon resemble a fighter pilot at the edge of the atmosphere as he tucked himself in. It was actually easier than I thought it would be and a little harder than Tom expected. The machine noise is more like distant surf and I lull myself to sleep every night by imagining I am at the beach. When the air escape valve is pointed at me, I simply modify the imaginary beach scene to include a stiff ocean breeze. Tom, on the other hand, was disconcerted by the "blowfish effect"--this is when he wakes up with his cheeks puffed out and dried into position. He is learning to keep his mouth shut with practice.

It is the daytime hours that make the minor discomforts worthwhile though. Both of us are experiencing better quality sleep without the snoring and gasping, and Tom has noticed that he has a lot more energy in the evenings. I have also noticed that he is--how to put this delicately?--less grumpy, cranky, ornery, well, you get the idea.

Sleep is such a mysterious state and it is not very well understood. What is clear is that if you don't get enough of the right kind, including REM sleep, it has bad effects on the body, and on other bodies in the vicinity of yours. In addition, if you stagger through life feeling like you have "iron poor blood," it may be oxygen poor brain cells instead. Not breathing is bad for your health (100% of doctors agree on this), but the solution is pretty simple. The mask is your friend.